The Advice given by A Father Which Helped Us as a New Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."