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Navigating my Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership
As a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again.
Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many gay men have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you could encounter someone offering a life-changing chance to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.
- The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.
Jeffery Harvey
Lena is a freelance writer and cultural enthusiast based in Berlin, passionate about sharing authentic stories and life lessons.
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